Help
by AwesomePotterlover
Summary: "I can help you.You just have to tell me what happened." She put a hand to his face. "I can't." Humanstuck. Sadstuck? KarkatXOC (eventually) AN: Do I even have to warn you? It already says sadstuck. Feel warned.
1. An Accident

**Hey. Its me. I was thinking about thing so I decided to write some humanstuck which became really sad so I suppose it comes under Sadstuck too. The point is I tried hard and I will continue this story even if it pains read on. Hope you enjoy**

**~ AP**

Chapter One: An accident

Karkat's whole class was on the trip to Flamborough, a particularly cliff-filled part of the English East Coast. He was partners with a blonde girl named Mary. Their group was walking about the beach, whereas the other was already up on the cliffs. He looked up to see Vriska staring down. "It's not even that far down. Come and see Tavros!" He heard her say. The quiet nervous voice answered: "I-I'm not sure that's a good idea, Vriska...We could fall." The girl laughed quite cruelly.  
"Come on you wimp!" Everything she said was making Mary angry. Karkat knew she was friends with most people, but Vriska was one of the few she didn't like. And every time the girl taunted Tavros, it just angered the blonde. But nevertheless, Tavros stepped anxiously towards the edge. He wobbled a little. "BE CAREFUL!" Mary screamed upwards as the voice of one of the teachers said: "COME AWAY FROM THE EDGE RIGHT NOW!"

But it would have been better if that teacher hadn't said anything. Because the shout startled both kids. Up on the cliff, Gamzee and Sollux could see they were about to fall. They ran as fast as they could. They reached for the other twos hands. Luckily, Sollux pulled Vriska back up just in time. Gamzee reached for his friend's hand, already panicking.

But it was too late.

He was falling, falling, falling...  
Screams and shouts and cries were coming from all direction. The two below screamed, then attempted to catch him.  
And Mary did. But his weight was too much for her.  
And as she fell on to the spiky rocks below, there was a crack.

Screaming. Crying. Unbelieving yelling. All sounds that filled the air like a horrible cacophony of sadness and disbelief and pain.

Karkat rushed to the two's sides. Both had been knocked unconscious. There was blood pouring from a deep gash in Mary's head, and Tavros's legs were in a position that shouldn't be possible. Mary looked like she had broken her arm and Tavros had cuts all over from banging into the sides of the cliff during the fall. Karkat could feel tears blurring his vision. _Not here_, he thought._ Not in front of all these people._  
But he couldn't stop the tears from falling as he dropped to his knees. He checked both pulses...Nothing. "No..." He whispered. "You guys can't be dead. Oh God,**_ PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD_**!" The whisper turned into a shout. Gamzee was the first one to get down to them. "Do you know CPR?" Karkat said. "Because I'm not going to be able to try and help them if you don't." Gamzee nodded. Both kids tried desperately to revive their friends, some part of their minds already giving up. After doing all they knew how, they checked the two kids pulses again. Karkat heard a sigh of relief as Gamzee seemed to have found something. Karkat panicked. Still nothing. "No, no , no ,no,no,no,no,no ,**NO**!" Karkat shouted, tears streaming down his face. Sirens were suddenly heard. Someone had called an ambulance. The teachers attempted to drag the two teenagers away as the paramedics arrived, but both resisted. They refused to leave the twos sides. So eventually, they went in the ambulance to the hospital, hoping, praying, that their friends would survive this.

Meanwhile, at Flamborough beach, yells could be heard. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, SEKRET!" Sollux screamed in frustration. "IF YOU HAD LISTENED NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!" "I didn't mean to."

"HOW DARE YOU SAY IT WITH SO LITTLE EMOTION?! THEY COULD BE DEAD AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU'VE RUINED MOST PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE, BUT IF THAT ONCE YOU HAD LISTENED WE WOULD HAVE FORGAVE YOU. BUT NO. YOU ALWAYS DO IT YOUR WAY AND NOW YOU PROBABLY HAVE GOTTEN TWO OF OUR FRIENDS KILLED!"  
"Sollux, please!" A hand was placed on his shoulder. It was one of the teachers. Miss Gundin knew him so well. She knew he couldn't take this. So she was there when he stopped yelling. She was there to catch him and she was there as he burst out crying. Not the usual quiet weeping, but full-on loud sobbing into her shoulder. "Why them?" His muffled voice came. "Why not me?"

**Its going to become more sad, don't worry. I'll have the next chapter up ASAP **

**IF i get 5 reviews? is that ok? Well, please review if you liked it.**

**~AP**


	2. Injuries, Ghosts and Bad Memories

**AN:** i'm** updating cos u little babbu's wanted me to. Enjoy, my fellow fic readers and writers!**

Karkat was pacing outside the entrance of two rooms in the hospital, his eyes diverted firmly to the floor. Gamzee was sitting down with his head in his hands. Karkat was pacing back and forth continuously and loudly. After ten minutes Gamzee yelled at him. "STOP PACING FOR FUCKS SAKE!" One of the nurses looked worriedly over to them. Karkat stopped, sitting down next to his best friend.

Suddenly, a nurse came to them. "Hello." She said gently. "Are you waiting for the two that are in there." She continued, gesturing to the rooms. Both nodded. "What are your names, then?"  
"I'm Karkat, he's Gamzee." The teenager's tone was bitter. "Well...the other two's parents have been called. I'm sure they'll be able to comfort you a little." With that, she walked away. Predictibly, Tavros's and Mary's parents were there in ten minutes. Tavros's mother entered the waiting area first. She looked around worriedly, then caught sight of the two boys sitting next to two doors.  
"Gamzee? Karkat?" She sounded confused. Then realization hit her. "Oh, you poor kids!" Next came Tav's Dad, and Mary's parents followed. They all looked worried sick. Karkat wanted to tell them it would all be ok. But he couldn't. Because it wouldn't be ok._ It wasn't going to be OK!_

After a short while a nurse came out of the entrance. Karkat and Gamzee were the first to her. "Are they ok?" Gamzee asked.  
"Tavros Nitram is still being treated. Mary Doorwall is currently in a stable comatose condition." "Can we see her?" Karkat's voice cracked as he asked. The nurse nodded. He rushed into the room. Mary was in a white hospital bed, hooked up to a couple of weird machines, including a heart monitor. Its 'beep' was sort of comforting in a way. Karkat found himself tearing up. He didn't even try to stop it now. Gamzee pulled him into a comforting hug, letting his friend sob into his shoulder. Well, considering how tall Gamzee was, it was more of his chest, but it was comfort, nevertheless. They stood like that for at least 30 minutes. Then, a nurse entered. "You can see Tavros now. He's awake."  
"Come on. You're not ready yet. Besides, Tavros is ok, right?" Gamzee was trying to make his voice calm and comforting, but it came out squeaky and nervous.

Gamzee rushed into the room without a second thought. Karkat watched from the door way as Gamzee raced to Tavros and kissed him. They pulled apart, turning red. "D'you need a second?" Karkat said, smiling. They just stood looking awkwardly at each other. Karkat laughed slightly, and then proceeded back to the waiting room for a while. Gamzee was right; he wasn't ready to see anyone lying in a coma, let alone Mary. And it was clear Gamzee and Tav didn't need interuptting. They're probably snogging each other's faces off by now, he thought fondly.

After a couple of minutes, Karkat got bored, so went to see how they were doing. They were just sitting talking, so Karkat decided to sit down next to his friend. "So, you guys, huh?" It sounded partly jokey, and quite a bit serious. Both other boys blushed at the same time, causing Karkat to laugh again.  
"Seriously though, have they told you what your injuries are or whatever?" Karkat asked, looking at Tavros.  
"I was afraid you'd ask that..." The small boy's voice was sad, which caused Gam to unnoticingly (or so he thought) hold the his hand. "The cuts and scratches weren't major. But..." He took a deep breath. "I'm never going to be able to move my legs again."  
Both boys sat in a shocked silence. After a while, Karkat stood up. "W-where are you going?"  
"To go kill that bitch that did this to you."  
"It wasn't her fault."  
"It was all her fault. You could have died, Tavros!"  
"I know but-" It was easy to see Tavros was losing this arguement.  
"No buts. I know we usually forgive her for what she does, but this, this has crossed the line. If I get arrested for murdering her, then I can say it was worth it." Karkat attempted to walk out, but Gamzee caught hold of his arm.  
"Bro, calm down. They're alive."  
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE FACT THEY COULD'VE DIED BECAUSE OF HER, THAT'S THE POINT!"  
"NO, THEY'RE ALIVE, AND PERSONALLY THAT'S ALL I NEED TO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT WHATEVER SPIDERBITCH FUCKING SEKRET IS DOING OR WHETHER SHE'S ALIVE OR DEAD. ITS BASICALLY ALL MY FAULT! IF I HADN'T BEEN SO SLOW THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!"  
With that, Gamzee sat in the corner, pulled his legs to his chest and sobbed into his knees, his clown makeup running.  
Karkat opened his mouth again, but Tavros interuptted.  
"For Gods sake, don't I get a say in this?!" His voice wasn't nervous as usual. It was loud and angry...and fairly confident with the arguement it was about to give, it seemed. "I'm the victim in here! It wasn't anyone's fault! I was startled, and I lost my balance. Nothing more or less. It wasn't the teacher's or Mary's fault for shouting, it wasn't Vriska's fault for making me go to the edge, and it DEFINITELY wasn't either of your faults. If anything, it was my fault for falling a victim to peer pressure. " The others were too shocked to speak. Tavros had spoken his mind, loudly and confidently, without even one stutter, and seemed satisfied with his arguement afterwards. The hesitation lasted for about ten minutes, then Karkat sighed. "We can never get away from these tragedies, can we?" Tavros shook his head.  
"I never thought I'd say it but, why is it always us? I mean, there was that trip to Doncaster Dome, where Vriska broke her arm, that trip to the Deep, where Sollux sprained his ankle and then Aradia-" All three flinched at the mention of her name. "Aradia...Drowned." It came out as a whisper.  
"It's true...We never escape. Except sometimes Death thinks its caught one of us, but really, its like a game of Go-Fish. We make it think it has gotten the most people, then it finds it has a Joker, and we get all of them back." Karkat looked around. He hadn't said that. Gamzee hadn't said that. Tav hadn't said it. It was definitely a girl's voice. A girl's voice none of them had heard in a very very long time. "A-Aradia?" Gamzee's voice was a hoarse whisper. Tavros smiled.  
"You see, I'm sure Tavros here told you I wasn't actually gone, but you were too busy screaming and crying to notice. All my family have regenerated as ghosts, what made you think I was gone? At first I thought it was just shock but you seemed thoroughly grief-stricken about my supposed 'Death'. Like I said, it's like a game of Go-Fish!" They couldn't see her, but they could hear her. "Why can't we see you?" Karkat asked. Aradia's voice sighed. "Turn off the light, you idiot." Confused, Karkat did as told. As soon as the light was out, you could see a faint outline of a teenage girl, which got stronger and stronger until it almost looked like a solid person. "Aradia!"  
"Yes, yes, we've already done this part."  
"B-but how?"  
Aradia sighed. "Didn't I just explain? I regenerated as a ghost, you idiot."  
"Then why didn't you see us earlier? Do you have any idea how much we CRIED over you?!" Karkat demanded.  
"To answer your first question, because I wasn't strong enough. Tavros naturally has a strong enough mind to talk to spirits and animals and such. I wasn't strong enough to manage to manifest myself, or my voice to you. Tavros only heard me simply because he was unconciously doing all the work. Second question, yes, I have personal experience that tells me how much you cried over me, and personally, I was quite flattered. I didn't think you cared that much." Karkat mumbled something about 'Of course we cared that much' and 'well he could of told us' and blah blah blah.  
"I missed you." Gamzee said. "Sollux did too. None of us came to school for a month. We were made to go to post-trauma therapy." Aradia sighed sadly.  
"Yes. I am aware of how much pain you, dear Sollux, and all the others, went through after my unfortunate demise. I yearned to comfort you, but like I said, I wasn't strong enough to manifest myself in any form to any other being than Tavros. Noone has as powerful a mind, you see."  
"Well that's nice!" Karkat said jokingly. All four laughed slightly. Its almost like they had returned to who they used to be. But then it was gone again. The old innocent them who was shocked when someone sprained their finger had been gone for a long time. It had been replaced with the more mature, wise version, who exprienced death every now and then, and injuries had become an normal thing to happen.  
"Sometimes..." Tavros said, sighing. "I wish I could unsee everything all the way back to the first incident that seemed to start all this." The 'first incident' had been the death of Karkat's mother and brother in a house fire. Him and his father had lived with the Makara's for 6 months afterwards, then Aradia died, and two grief-stricken teenagers were too much for one house, so Karkat's Dad rented a flat nearby.  
"Me too." Karkat sighed. Aradia looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry I died so close after the incident Karkat. It must have been really hard for you."  
"You couldn't stop yourself dying, Aradia."  
"Yes, but sometimes I wish I'd of done something different so I could stay alive and help you. You only tell Gamzee and Sollux about everything, and you leave the rest of us clueless. We're your friends, and its not trouble to us to be a shoulder for you to lean on when you feel like falling."

"Can't we just, stop talking about me, and my feelings, and figure out how our lives are going to go on from here?" Karkat said. Aradia sighed again.  
"I suppose you're right. Despite us seemingly winning, Life plays us like unimportant pawns on a chess board, only protecting its queen and leaving the rest of its willing solidiers to die. "  
"Ok, can you stop with the riddlepoetry thing, its sorta annoying."  
"Well saying most things directly hurts people more than if its in a probably confusing riddle they don't quite understand."  
"Well its better to be honest and clear about what you are saying, Aradia. Then the person can be hurt, but at least they know you have told them the truth."  
"Yeah, I suppose..."  
There was silence, in which all of them flashed back to the first incident.

'_Karkat was sleeping when he coughed and awoke. His room was full of dark black smoke. Coughing hysterically, Karkat stood up and ran into the hallway. Now he could see that all downstairs was on fire, flames licking at the wooden banister of the stairs and starting to spread. Panicking, the teenager ran to his older brother's room. The fire had him surrounded and was creeping slowly towards him. Suddenly, he got dragged into the room. His older brother was in there covering his mouth with his arm. "GET OUT, NOW!" He shouted, pushing his younger brother towards the window. "What about mum and dad?! And you!?"_  
_"DON'T WORRY ABOUT US JUST GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!" With that, the 19-year-old pushed his sibling out of the window. Karkat landed safely, and looked up, expecting Kankri to be jumping after him._  
_But he didn't._  
_And the flames were all around the house._  
_And there was a scream._  
_Then nothing._  
_"NO!" Karkat screamed, trying to run back into his burning house. He was restrained by fire fighters. "NO! PLEASE, MY BROTHER, HE'S STILL IN THERE! WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!_ PLEASE_!" The shouts had attracted attention from the neighborhood, and Gamzee Makara ran to the scene of his best friend's ignited house. "KARKAT?!" He yelled worriedly, already panicking._  
_"G-Gamzee?" His best friend's quivering voice came from behind him._  
_"Oh, thank god you're ok!"_  
_Karkat said nothing. He just seemed to...break. He collapsed onto the taller teen and sobbed loudly, not bothering about who was watching._  
_"Shhhhhhh. It'll all be ok, Karkat. Everything's going to be ok." Gamzee soothed, hugging his friend comfortingly._  
_"B-but K-kankri h-he's... He's dead!" Karkat wailed, tears streaming down his pale face. Only now did Gamzee notice how terrible his best friend looked. Karkat's face was pale and thin, his hair was a black mess, his eyes bloodshot and his nose running. "I know Karkat, I know. But I'm here for you. No matter what!"_  
_"R-really?" "Yeah. Because thats what friends are supposed to do." Gamzee suddenly spotted Vriska Sekret slipping away in the shadows. She was laughing._

_When Karkat walked into school the next day, one of your average popular kids shouted: "HEY LOOK ITS THE GUY WHO GOT HIS FAMILY KILLED!"_  
_Immediately, Gamzee retaliated for his friend. "HE DID** NOT** GET HIS FAMILY KILLED! YOU DON'T JUST **GET** YOUR FAMILY KILLED! AND IF YOU DON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE HIS FAMILY WON'T BE THE ONLY ONES DEAD!"_  
_Most sane people took Gamzee's threat seriously, like it should be taken, and laid off. But this certain popular boy felt like pushing it to the limit and beyond. "What orphanage you going to, eh, Vantas?"_  
_"My dad is alive."_  
_"I doubt he will be for long knowing your family."_  
_Karkat's temper rose. "I WILL RIP YOU TO PIECES AND EAT YOU AFTERWARDS, YOU EVIL BASTARD!** YOU ARE DEAD!**"_  
_"I'd like to see you try."_  
_That definitely crossed the line. Karkat flew at the guy, and punched him hard in the jaw, then pinned him to the wall by his neck._'

Karkat laughed slightly. He had beaten that guy up. And got a detention for it. But it was all worth defending my family, the teenager thought. His memory drifted onto the educational visit to The Deep.

_'The class streamed into the coach, taking seats next to there friends. Only a couple remained, talking to their parents. One of which was Karkat Vantas._  
_"Dad, are you sure you'll be ok?"_  
_"Calm down, Karkat. I'll be fine."_  
_"But-"_  
_"Son, you go have fun. I'll be absolutely fine. Besides, you're not going for the weekend! Its just 6 hours. Now you go, and be careful."_  
_With that, Karkat scrambled on the bus. He took the place near the window, with Sollux next to him, seeing as Gamzee was next to Tavros. He stared out of the window as his Dad and the other parents became smaller and smaller with every inch forward the coach moved._

_In the middle of the journey, everyone was cheerfully singing songs. First was a pirate song that Sollux started when everyone was looking miserable, to lighten the mood._  
_"_WHEN I WAS ONE I GOT A THMACK ON THE BUM_!"_  
_Everyone laughed at this, then began to join in on the chorus._  
_"_The day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me: We're going this way, that way, forwards, backwards over the Irish sea! A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!AAAARGH!_"_  
_Gamzee took over the second part._  
_"_WHEN I WAS TWO I HAD A POO!_"_  
_"_The day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me: We're going this way, that way, forwards, backwards over the Irish sea! A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!AAAARGH!_"_  
_"_When I was three, I had a wee!_" Terezi shouted, laughing._  
_"_The day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me: We're going this way, that way, forwards, backwards over the Irish sea! A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!AAAARGH!_"_  
_Aradia came in for four. "_When I was four I fell on the floor._"_  
_"_The day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me: We're going this way, that way, forwards, backwards over the Irish sea! A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!AAAARGH!_"_  
_Nepeta interuptted in her cute, squeaky voice. "_When I was five, I knocked over a bee hive._"_  
_"_The day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me: We're going this way, that way, forwards, backwards over the Irish sea! A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!AAAARGH!_"_  
_Tavros's voice was quiet as he attempted to continue the song. "_W-When I was six, I, uh, ate a Twix?_"_  
_"_The day I went to sea! I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me: We're going this way, that way, forwards, backwards over the Irish sea! A bottle of rum to fill my tum and that's the life for me!AAAARGH!_"_  
_"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" Karkat couldn't stop himself screaming. Everyone stopped, looking at him._  
_"THAT SONG IS REALLY REPETITIVE AND FUCKING ANNOYING!"_  
_"Geeth, thorry Kk, jutht trying to lighten the mood."_  
_"Well maybe I don't want it to be lightened."_  
_"KK thtop being thuch an athole, I know you've gone through a lot between thethe patht few weekth, but you don't have to take you're thuffering out on everyone elthe! Thith ith a trip to have fun, not to hear you whine about how bad your life ith!"_

_"Karbro, he's right, you need to lighten up."_  
_"IF YOUR BROTHER HAD FUCKING DIED A WEEK AGO, ALONG WITH YOUR FUCKING MUM, WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO LIGHTEN UP!?"_  
_"_Some words they can't be spoken, only sung_." Aradia's voice was soft and soothing. After all, they were friends. And friends help and comfort each other. Feferi joined in. "_So hear a thousand voices shouting love._"_  
_All the girls joined in._  
_"_There's a place, there's a time, in this life, when you sing what you are feeling_."_  
_The boys joined also, harmonizing perfectly with the girls' higher voices._  
"Find your feet, stand your ground, don't you see right now the world is listening to what we say!_" They all stared at Karkat, who had been calmed gradually by the comforting voices of his friends. "_Sing it louder, sing it clearer, knowing everyone will hear you! Make some noise, find your voice, tonight! Sing it stronger, sing together, make this moment last forever, old and young, shouting love tonight!_" They all looked at him expectantly. Sighing inwardly, he solo'd the second verse, like he always did in choir. He smiled very slightly as he sung. "_To sing we've had a life time to wait._" The rest of his class did the echo. "_To wait, To wait, To wait._"_  
_"_And see a thousand faces celebrate._"_  
_"_Cele, celebrate._"_  
_All of his class were now singing fully to Karkat, who was smiling now._  
_"_You brought hope, you brought light, conquered fear, no it couldn't have been easy! Stood your ground, kept your faith, don't you see right now the world is listening, to what we say?_"_  
_Then they all sung in perfect, beautiful unison._  
_"_Sing it louder, Sing it clearer, knowing everyone will hear you! Make some noise, find your voice, tonight! Sing it stronger, Sing together, Make this moment last forever! Old and young, shouting love, tonight!_"_  
_Nepeta's voice did the solo perfectly, making some boys on the coach swoon._  
_"_Some words they can't be spoken only sung. So hear a thousand voices shouting love, and light, and hope!_"_  
_Everyone else joined in._  
_"_Just sing; Just sing; Just sing; Just sing._"_  
_The boys continued on and the girls continued the just sing part. When it got to the end, Nepeta sung in that cute,beautiful voice of hers._  
_"_Hear a thousand voices shouting love_."_  
_Karkat grinned._  
_"Thanks you guys. I love you all."_  
_"We love you too, Karkitty!" Nepeta said._  
_That had put a smile onto everyone's faces._  
_"We're here, kids!" The teacher said. Everyone cheered._  
_They all tripped, ran, stumbled and were dragged by the stream of others, out of the coach._  
_"WOW!"_  
_The day all went according to plan until 1 o'clock. The group was investigating the bridge. Aradia walked along the edge confidently. "Hey Megido, careful not to get that dustbin bag caught on the sides!" A spiteful kid from another class yelled._  
_"Leave her alone. Or elthe."_  
_"Whatever, wimp! I bet you can't even touch the water!"_  
_"Oh yeah!" Said Aradia. "Well watch this!" With that, she dived into the river. "ARADIA!" One of the teacher's yelled. Her head popped up. The mean kids gawped. "HELP!" Aradia shouted as the current dragged her out towards the big river, which lead to the sea. Lifeguards rushed around, calling an ambulance and trying desprately to get her out of the water. "NO, ARADIA!" Sollux shouted, running towards the end of the bridge. "Sollux, you can't!"_  
_"I HAVE TO!"_  
_Suddenly, the girl was dragged underwater by the current, letting out a scream. An air ambulance had arrived 5 minutes later. They found Aradia quickly. Her body was drenched and limp. They landed, and started franticly doing CPR. After ten minutes, they seemed to have given up._  
_"We've lost her." One of the paramedics said._  
_"**NO**!" Sollux's scream was more painful to hear than Aradia's was. "No...Aradia..." Tears were streaming down his face, and everyone else's, as he clutched the limp body of Aradia Megido._'

**AN: So, you like? This took me FOREVER to write. It's longer than my usual update, so you better be happy! Review? Please?**


	3. Panic, Tears and Pesterchum

All four teenagers were snapped out of their memories by a shout. Mary's heart had stopped, and nurses were bustling this way and that frantically. Karkat asked one of them what was happening. "Mary Doorwall's heart has stopped." She explained quickly, walking off at a fast pace. Karkat froze. And suddenly his throat closed and he couldn't breath and he tried to rush into the room but he was panicking because_ he couldn't breath_. His knees gave way and he fell to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. His brain usefully informed him he was having a panic attack.  
_Breathe,_ he told himself in his head._ Just breathe. Calm down. Deep breaths._  
"Karkat! Karkat calm down." Gamzee said, kneeling beside his friend. "Come on, brother, breathe."  
"I-i can't." He whispered with the only remaining breath he had.  
"You can! Its all in your head, Karkat, just breathe." Gamzee had his smaller friend in a comforting embrace. "Shhh...come on. Calm down..." And he did. He thought of his friends, how they always messed around with him, how they laughed hysterically together at his jokes even though they weren't really that funny, how they always knew what to do when someone got sad. He thought about Terezi's cackle when she shoved Sollux in the pool at Doncaster, and Sollux's laughter as he pulled her in with him. He thought of Aradia's confident nature, and how she always knew what to say. Tavros's stutter, Gamzee's addiction to Faygo, Feferi's bubbly nature, Eridan's whines about his lack of love life, Nepeta's nicknames that always reference to cats. He thought of all his friends until he could take a deep breath. Which he did.  
"It's all okay, brother. It's all okay."  
Despite having stopped panicking, he sat on the floor in his best friends embrace for a little longer, not trusting himself to stand. Then Gamzee stood, and helped Karkat do the same. The shorter teen's legs were still shaking, so his friend supported him back to Tavros's still dark hospital room.  
"What happend?!" Tavros said, looking worriedly towards Karkat, who's legs were shaking and was still being supported by Gamzee.  
"...M-mary's heart stopped and Karkat had a panic attack." Gamzee said, setting Karkat into a chair, then sitting down in the one next to it. Tavros looked concerned...Wait, worse than that. He looked shocked and concerned and scared and god, Aradia wished she could hug him. "She...she's...she can't be..." He stuttered, tears in his chocolate coloured eyes. But sobbing and screaming from the next room confirmed their suspicions.  
"**_NO!_** _MY BABY!_"  
Mary Doorwall was dead.  
And there was nothing they could do about it.  
Karkat froze again. _No no no no no no no no no no no no no no_, he said to himself. God, it hurt the other three to see him like this. He felt the tears come and god, he was hurting and he wished the hurt would end but it never does,_ it never does! _With that, he collapsed.

"Karkat!" Gamzee said worriedly, shaking his best friend. "Come on, brother, wake up!"  
Gamzee was scared. He wouldn't admit it, but he was scared shitless and he was sad and one of his friends just died and god, he needed Karkat right now, but said person had just passed out. And the youngest Makara was fucking panicking.  
-

"Gamzee, please calm down!" Tavros said. Fuck, he had enough to cope with with what he'd been told by the doctors a while before, let alone Mary's death, Karkat's collapse, and his boyfriend's hysterical panic. "Shit, shit, shit!" Gamzee muttered, shaking Karkat. "GAMZEE! Calm down. Ok, just calm down." Said person calmed a little, but continued shaking his best friend.  
-

Karkat came around to find he was being shaken frantically by his best friend. "Geez, Gamzee! Stop shaking me!"He said, irritated. The taller teen obliged. Karkat suddenly remembered why he had passed out in the first place. "O-oh god." He said, tears escaping his eyes. Gamzee hugged him once again, and Karkat sobbed onto his best friend's shoulder. Suddenly, Karkat's father burst through the door, quite dramatically.

-  
"Karkat!" He said. "Oh, thank god you're-" He stopped.  
Mr. Vantas scanned the dark room. Aradia Megido, who last time he checked, was dead, was floating in the corner looking sad. Tavros Nitram was in a hospital bed looking distraught, and Gamzee Makara was comforting Karkat, who was crying into his shoulder. "What happened?" He said, his relieved tone changing to a concerned one. Tavros answered, sobbing.  
"I-it's M-mary s-s-she's d-d-d-dead!" He cried, sobs wracking his whole body.  
"Oh god." Karkat's Dad whispered. -  
Karkat looked up to see his dad. "D-dad?" He said confusedly, tears still streaming down his face.  
"Mrs. Nitram called me. Said that you had a panic attack, needed support. I was worried when you didn't come home with school." With that said, the teen ran to his Dad and cried and cried and cried. Mr. Vantas put a hand behind his head, and another behind his shoulders in a comforting embrace.  
"Come on, son. Lets get you home." Karkat protested weakly, saying he needed to stay, but it was obvious that he was losing the arguement. In the end, he was too tired to protest any more. It had been a long day, and was a long drive home.

Neither of them said a word when they got home. They both just went to their rooms. Karkat, unable to sleep, logged onto Pesterchum. Everyone was online apart from Aradia, Gamzee and Tavros.

arsenicCatnip [AC] created a memo: what happened

AC: :33 *ac creates memo worriedly and hops around*  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo

CG: NEPETA, ARE YOU OK?  
AC: :33 *nods* are Tafurros and Mary ok.  
CG:..  
AC: :33 *ac frowns* they're not ok are they

twinArmaggadoens [TA] responed to memo

TA: kk are they ok

TA: theyre not are they

TA: kk ii 2wear two gog ju2t fuckiing an2wer me

CG: THEY AREN'T EXACTLY OK

AC: :33 *ac looks worried* Karkitty tell us please...

CG: TAVROS IS OK SORTA

TA: what do you mean 2orta

CG: WELL HE'S ALIVE

CG: BUT HE WON'T BE ABLE TO WALK AGAIN

TA: you're kiiddiing, riight?  
AC: :33 *ac gasps in shock*  
CG: I WISH I WAS, HONESTLY

CG: AND

CG: FUCK I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS

CG: MARY

CG: MARY'S DEAD

TA: ok kk round of applau2e be2t prank ever

AC: :33 *ac gasps and starts to cry*  
TA: look u made nep cry ju2t tell u2 what really happened

Karkat could've laughed. He wished so hard it was a prank.

CG: SOLLUX THIS ISN'T A FUCKING PRANK

CG: SHE'S GONE AND I JUST SPENT FIVE HOURS AT THE HOSPITAL

terminallyCapricous [TC] responded to memo

TA: gam, fiinally, tell kk to 2top prankiing u2 he'2 makiing nep cry

TC: He AiN't MoThErFuCkInG pRaNkInG yOu MoThErFuCkEr

TA: dude, ur kiidiing, riight?  
TC: NaH dUdE sHe'S gOnE

TC: i'M hErE wItH tAv To CoMfOrT tHe PoOr GuY

AC: oh god she's really dead isn't she

TC: I wOuLdN't LiE aBoUt SuCh A sErIoUs ThInG nEp

CG: I NEED TO GO

TC: KaRkAt

CG: WHAT

TC: PlEaSe DoN't BeAt YoUrSeLf Up OvEr ThIs

TC: DoN't Do AnYtHiNg StUpId

CG:...I WON'T

CG: GOODNIGHT

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to this memo

Karkat sighed, and was about to sign off when suddenly the message noise chimed. It was that kid who'd started pestering him a while back. He also had a message from Gamzee. He answered Gamzee first, because the guy who pestered him was annoying.

terminallyCapricous [TC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 21:30

TC: KaRkAt

CG: I DON'T GET WHY YOU'RE PESTERING ME GAMZEE

CG: YOU TOLD ME NOT TO DO ANYTHING FUCKING STUPID ALREADY

TC: I kNoW

TC: bUt

TC: ItS tImEs LiKe ThEsE wHeN

TC: wHeN sOmEtHiNg BaD hApPeNs

TC: ThAt I cAn'T sToP mYsElF sAyInG iT tWiCe

TC: BeCaUsE i KnOw hOw DePrEsSeD yOu CaN gEt In ThEsE sItUaTiOnS

TC: aNd I wOrRy AbOuT yOu, BrOtHeR

CG: WELL FUCKING DON'T

CG: I CAN DEAL PERFECTLY FUCKING WELL WITH MY OWN FUCKING PROBLEMS GAMZEE

TC: kArKat ThAtS nOt WhAt I mEaNt

CG: BUT IT FUCKING IS ISN'T IT GAMZEE

CG: I'M NOT A FUCKING BABY CG: I DON'T NEED YOU TO FUCKING PROTECT ME ANYMORE

CG: I HAVE JUST AS MUCH SELF CONTROL AS YOU DO

CG: AND PROBABLY MUCH MORE EMOTINAL STREGNTH

CG: SO DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO BECAUSE I KNOW VERY FUCKING WELL

TC: KaRkAt...

CG: DON'T YOU FUCKING KARKAT ME

CG: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS GAMZEE

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering terminallyCapricous [TC] at 21:43

You couldn't believe your best friend right now. You know at one point in your life, you needed his protection and his advice, but that was a very long time ago. Before all this happened. Back when you were a hormonal eleven-year-old who was physically and verbally bullied every day and you were really depressed and fucked up. You could never go back to that hell of a life with only someone else's fucking protection as the slightest glint of fucking hope. Not now. Now you were older. Wiser. Stronger. And you could take it all by yourself, whether Gamzee fucking Makara wanted you to or not. You answered the other guy. He couldn't make you angrier, right?

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 21:45

TG: yo

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

TG: im just bored and want to talk to someone and i thought

TG: why not my favourite English dipshit

CG: WELL I DON'T EXACTLY WANT TO TALK TO SOME DOUCHEBAG LIKE YOU

TG: why not

TG: is my awesomeness too much for you

CG: YOUR A FUCKING TWAT

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:49

It seemed Karkat was wrong. This guy had definitely made him fucking angrier. He was a dick, and Karkat knew it. He had no idea why this kid was still on his contacts. Karkat signed off and flopped onto his bed. It was going to be a long week at school. His dad had said during the drive home he could take tomorrow off, but Karkat couldn't. He was a bad friend and a bad leader, but he still was stronger than the depressing thoughts at the back of his mind that made him want to get a knife and end it all. He was definitely stronger than that. If he was ever too weak to stop those thoughts occupying his mind fully, then he was too weak to live. Because he's supposed to be the strong one, even if he's really the one who feels like collapsing and crying and just dying. Always the strong one. Always.

**AN: so, how was it? Sad? Depressing? A waste of your time? I know its like, really short. Sorry, honestly. The next chapter will definitely be longer. Review if you like? Please? Also the Beta kids will be more into the actual story later on, so don't worry about missing our favourite prankster, gardener, therapist and rapper! :) Already writing the next chapter so you don't have long to wait.  
I should stop blabbing its not like anyone actually reads this part. I'll update soon :))))))))**

**~AP**


	4. Arguments and Farewells

**AN:**** ok there is way too many red squiggly lines in this this is making me suffer. Oh shut up me noone reads this part anyways you know that. Enjoy the next chapter I spent half my life writing!**

**~AP**

* * *

Karkat walked into the school grounds, his backpack slung over his shoulder. As he walked to his group of friends, people stared and whispers and mutters that they thought he couldn't hear were exchanged. He did hear, of course, but he wasn't going to flip out about it. He was used to it. He'd been the topic of popular and unpopular kid's whispered talks before school for a long time now, and he knew it. He was as much the school's whisper-topic as he was the laughing stock, and he honestly stopped giving a fuck back in his playground days. He took note of his friends faces. Most looked distraught, depressed and everything he was last night. But he wasn't going to let that show. Because only Gamzee, Sollux, and now Aradia and Tavros had ever seen him be that weak. Sollux stared at his friend. Karkat knew Sollux could read him like a book.

Sollux used to be one of the people who beat him up after school, and Karkat had once (It was a secret not even Gamzee knew) cried and begged the taller teen to back off. Sollux had seen what he was doing was wrong. Or that was what he said. Karkat suspected he had pitied him, but back then, everyone pitied him. He dumped the popular gang and started to hang around with Karkat and the gang. He'd apologized countless times for the bruises and grazes and cuts caused by him and his gang, and it did annoy you a bit.

Sollux could see through the confident, comforting mask Karkat had held for years. And he knew it. His friend's eyes (one red and one blue) followed Karkat as he walked up to where everyone else was. Nepeta was crying. He hated that. He hated it when his friends cried. Karkat rushed up to the girl, who was about his size, and pulled her into his arms as she sobbed. "K-Karkitty...I-I...W-why..." She cried, balling her fists up in his shirt. "I-it's n-not...F-F-fair!"  
"I know, Nep, I know it's not fair." Karkat said comfortingly. "W-why t-them? W-why n-not me?"  
"Nep!" Karkat said, holding his friend at arm's length. "Don't think like that! We love you as much as we love them, and it wouldn't help anyone's hurt if it was you instead of one of them!"  
"I'm sorry, it's just-"  
"No! No more it's justs! You can cry, Nepeta, and you can be sad, because that's natural, but I'm not going to let you blame this on yourself and if Tav or-..." Karkat took a deep breath. "If Tav or Mary were here they'd say the same."  
"I miss it, Karkitty."  
"...Miss what?"  
"Being innocent. Being a kid. Laughing and smiling and having fun in a world we thought had no depression or sadness or tragedy. I miss it all."  
"I know, Nepeta. I know."

School went by as usual. Gamzee was probably still with Tavros at the hospital, considering he wasn't at school. It was strange. Without Mary, Gamzee and Tavros there, it just felt...weird. The school day was uneventful. Things went along as normal, apart from a couple of people's sadness and other's whispers. Karkat was walking home when it happened.

He was just walking, as he usually did, when he was confronted. It was the gang that used to beat him up. "Hey, freak! Heard another one of your mates died, who'd have thought?" One of them said spitefully. Karkat clenched his fists. He had done this before. They made him angry, he striked out, and then he got beaten up. He knew they had a knife, and they were much bigger than him. Sollux is going to catch up with me, Karkat thought. "Freak, you're not talking. Has your freakish catty friend got your tongue?"  
"Don't talk about Nepeta like that."  
"Shut your mouth, freak. We say what we want."  
He should have stopped himself lashing out and punching the guy. They were bigger than him. He mentally cursed himself for not walking away as he took a blow to the face. Karkat fell to the floor with the force of the blow. The group gathered round, kicking and punching him from every direction. And all the short boy could do is close his eyes and wait for it to end. He got kicked hard in the head, then everything went black.

When he came around he was at his house with an ice pack on his face. His dad was at his side. "Hello, son." He said softly.  
_Shit_, Karkat thought,_ I never told him about the bullies..._  
As if he could read his mind, his father said: "Sollux told me. He found you knocked out in the ginnel on the way home."  
"Oh."  
"Son, I need to talk to you about something." Dad said seriously.  
"What is it, Dad?"  
"I've been thinking and...Son, we're moving." His father said.  
"WHAT?!" Karkat shouted. He couldn't stop himself shouting. His dad sighed.  
"I was afraid you'd react like this."  
"DAD! My friends, they need me."  
"Not as much as I do. It's become too much of a risk, Karkat. You getting bullied, the accidents and everything. I can't lose you, Karkat."  
"And you aren't going to! Dad...Please." He began to beg his father. "You can't do this to me. I've made friends, Dad. Friends who I love and who need me and I can't leave them alone."  
"I know you don't like the idea , son, but its for your own safet-"  
"NO!" Karkat screamed. "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT MY OWN SAFETY, DAD! I'M WORRIED ABOUT THEIR SAFETY!"  
"WELL I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SAFETY AND THEY ARE TOO!"  
"DAD!"  
"WE'RE LEAVING TOMORROW!"  
Karkat ran to his room with tears in his eyes, ice pack still held in death grip to his aching head. He dropped into his PC chair and logged into his Pesterchum.

* * *

carcinoGeneticist [CG] created a memo: EVERYONE GET THE FUCK HERE RIGHT NOW

terminallyCapricous [TC] responded to memo

TC: KaRkAt?  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo

TA: what the fuck ii2 goiing on?  
arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo

AC: :33 Karkitty? whats wrong?  
CG: UGH OK JUST COPY AND PASTE THIS TO THE OTHERS OR WHATEVER

CG: DAD'S MAKING ME MOVE

TC: No FuCkInG wAy

TA: oh hell to the fuckiing no

AC: :33 *ac looks sad* really, karkitty?  
CG: YES

CG: YES FUCKING WAY

CG: WE'RE GOING TOMORROW

TA: KK are you ok

TC: WhY wOuLd He NoT bE?  
TA: he got beaten up agaiin after 2chool

TA: when ii found hiim he wa2 out cold

CG: YES I'M OK

TA: what type of ok? ii'm not okay but i'll make you thiink 2o becau2e ii don't want you to worry ok, or actually ok.  
CG: ANYWAY

CG: IF I DON'T GET TO SEE YOU GUYS TOMMOROW BEFORE I LEAVE

CG: I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE

CG: I NEED TO GO, BECAUSE I NEED TO START PACKING ):B

TA: ur not fuckiing ok kk

CG: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS

terminallyCapricous [TC] ceased responding to memo

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased responding to memo

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased respponding to memo

carcinoGeneticist [CG] closed memo

* * *

Karkat sighed and logged off. He needed to start packing. He noted boxes near his door, and started packing things. He chucked all his clothes (He didn't have a very large amount of clothes.) into a small box, then started packing other possessions into the rest. He finished quite quickly, leaving only a mattress and bed frame, his desk and drawers and his PC. Suddenly, his phone beeped from his pocket. He had a text from Gamzee. It said: "cum 2 my place. we're gonna have 1 last movie marathon b4 u leave." Karkat grinned.

He left a note for Dad explaining where he was going, grabbed a duvet from one of the boxes, and ran to his best friend's house. Gamzee answered. He didn't even need to tell him to come in. Karkat ran into the living room and threw his duvet onto the was there. Gamzee's dad and brother weren't home. Gamzee explained they wouldn't be back till tomorrow, then went to the kitchen, claiming he was making snacks. Karkat sighed and followed to assist him.

The other's arrived quickly, and when Karkat and Gamzee had carried the last of the snacks out of Gamzee's kitchen, the huge sofa was covered in multiple different colored duvets. Aradia's ghost was resting at one end of the giant sofa, and everyone was curled up in their duvets. Sollux was at the other end, next to which was your red duvet, then next to yours was Gamzee's indigo spotted one, and then Tavros's. Tavros was already sat there, his wheelchair folded up and resting against the door frame. Gamzee stood up.  
"Right! You all know the rules. Three movies, each of a chosen category, chosen by three people who are chosen out of a hat. Drum roll please!" Everyone patted their legs or the sofa arms in a drum roll.  
"And tonight's category is..."  
"Please romcoms." Karkat whispered.  
"Horror!"  
"oooooooooooooh!" Everyone said in perfect unison. Gamzee then brought out the hat.  
"First Person: Me! WOO!" Everyone laughed at that. "Second: Terezi! And third: Sollux!"  
"Hell fucking yeth." The destined three picked their movies. They watched Gamzee's first. It was 'Woman In Black'. By the time the credits rolled, Karkat was shaking and Sollux was laughing. "That wath tho boring. God, kk, if you're thcared at that jutht wait until my movie."  
Terezi picked 'One Missed Call'. Karkat surprisingly watched most of this, despite the terrified look on his face. In the middle, Sollux paused it and said he needed the toilet. He went out. Karkat's phone rang the tune from the movie. "FUCK!"  
Karkat then attempted to climb upon Gamzee's head. Sollux came in holding his phone out and laughing. "YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"  
The movie continued. The credits rolled. Sollux's movie was next. It was called 'The Cabin In The Woods'. Sollux was right, this did scare him a lot fucking more. During the first death, Karkat's face was buried in said person's shoulder and he was muttering: "Fuck." Over and over again. Eventually Karkat got stuck into the story. It was at the part where the athlete says: "I'll be back. And I'll have cops and choppers and fucking machine guns and those things are going to pay." Then he tries to get across and hits the invisible wall and Karkat screamed: "NO!" along with the main character. By the time the credits rolled Karkat was hysterical. "THEY CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT! WHERE'S THE FUCKING HAPPY ENDING!"

"There ith no happy ending."  
"WHY THE FUCK NOT!?"  
"Becauthe it'th a horror movie, kk. There ithn't meant to be a happy ending."  
Gamzee put in Scary Movie to calm down and by the time it was the end, the last sentence yawned by Karkat was: "Doofy turned into Cronus Ampora."

Everyone was sleeping comfortably on the huge sofa when Karkat awoke. He found himself curled into Sollux's arm with Nepeta sprawled across his lap and Gamzee leaning on his shoulder. Suddenly, Karkat's phone rung loudly, waking nearly everyone. They hadn't been deep sleepers since the first incident. Nepeta jumped and fell onto the floor. Karkat pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was Dad. Sighing, Karkat pressed the answer button and put the phone to his ear.  
"'Morning Dad." He yawned.  
"Son, you'll have to say goodbye to your friends, it's time to set off."  
"...Ok then."  
"See you in a minute."  
"Yeah."  
Karkat sighed. He didn't want this time to come. Not ever. "Guys...Its time for me to go." Karkat stood, being careful not to step on Nepeta. Everyone looked at him with sad eyes. There was a silence, then Feferi hugged him. When she talked, it sounded like she was crying. "I'll never forget you, Karkat." The next one to stand up was Nepeta, who also hugged him. "I'll miss you so much." Vriska just nodded at him. It was a sign of respect, coming from her. Aradia could no longer be seen, but sobbing could be heared. Kanaya nodded too. It wasn't that she was similar to Vriska, she just wasn't the hug kind of person. Eridan gave Karkat a quick nod. Equius shook his hand. Tavros smiled up at him. Sollux and Gamzee hugged him in a manly sort of way.

Karkat's dad arrived, and Karkat stuffed his duvet into the back of the car, then looked back at his friends. Suddenly, Terezi rushed up to him and pressed her lips to his. As she broke away, she said: "I've always wanted to do that." As Karkat climbed into the car, and they drove away, Karkat waved out of the window, even for a couple of minutes after the sillohettes of his friends were long gone. He leant back into his seat and sighed. He'll miss them. He'll miss the happiness they gave him. His life was going to be a whole lot harder from now on, and he knew it. He'd been beaten up before and he didn't suspect it would stop, even if it was different people. And without someone like his friends to fend them off, who knows what could happen? He wasn't worried about him being beaten up or knocked out or even killed by bullies. He was worried about his friends and their reactions and their problems. He remembered something Gamzee had said to Sollux after Aradia's death. _We'll always be alright, as long as we have each other._

But he didn't have them now.  
All he had was himself and his Dad.  
And that thought scared him.  
And he hated this new place already.

* * *

**Review?**

**~AP**


	5. New beginnings and New disaster

**AN: Hey! Thanks you guys who reviewed and/or favorite/followed this story! Love u!  
~AP**

* * *

Karkat was lying on his bed staring at the roof. He'd texted his friends until his fingers hurt, but they were all in bed by now, probably. Tomorrow he was facing everything he once wanted to: A new school, and a new beginning. But he didn't want it so much anymore. He wanted to hang with his friends, comforting them in the middle of ultimate disaster, pretending to be much stronger than he actually was. Leading them confidently, being someone to tell them where's the right place. He'd talked to his Dad, but the older Vantas didn't seem to understand. "They need to learn to be independent." He'd said. They were independent individuals, though. Karkat was just a friend always there, being strong, giving them someone to believe in. Karkat would do anything to be sleeping soundly in HIS room, with HIS things in it. Holding his ice pack to his head, waiting for the next day to come to repeat almost the exact same thing, to have one more movie marathon, to be cuddling close to Nepeta and Terezi and Gamzee and Sollux and everyone else. OK, so maybe cuddling Equius or Kanaya would be a little weird, they didn't really cuddle. But still. Karkat didn't realize he was crying. He missed them already and it had barely been hours.

He was thinking about how many things could go wrong. He'd gave them so much support, stopped them doing stupid things, but...what if they couldn't stop themselves? What if Nepeta went downhill fast because of the bullies like she once almost did? What if Gamzee can't control his anger problems and ends up in prison? What if..._No, they have each other. They can handle it. They don't need me that much. _**But they do. You know they do, Karkat, stop lying to yourself. They're all going to end up dead and you can't do anything about it, you crazy idiot. **_They aren't, and I'm not crazy. _**You're having an argument with yourself.**_ Fair point.  
_  
They'll be OK. Of course they will! They've been through nearly as much as Karkat, right? Yes, they'll be quite fine. They're strong, like he is. He knew they were. He should stop worrying, and think on the light side of this. Maybe a new school could be fun. Yes, it'll be fun. Everything will be fine. Everything's fine.

* * *

Karkat was walking towards his new school. It was big and new-looking compared to Karkat's old, small, shabby high school. Upside, maybe? Probably. Yes, let's be optimistic.

Karkat walked into the reception. The receptionist was a nice-looking young woman. Her nametag said Jane. She smiled at him and led him into the headmaster's office, then left back to her work. The conversation with the headmaster wasn't interesting. Same old new student talk.

He found his way to his new class easily. It was biology. The teacher was young-ish, but strict-looking, though her eyes were soft. "Hello." She said. "Mr. Karkat Vantas, I presume?" Karkat nodded emotionlessly. "Well, I'm Miss Rinders. This is biology, if you didn't guess. Don't worry, I'm not going to make you do the whole, tell me about you, thing. I know how annoying it is. Now, you need a partner...hm...Yes, I think Mr. Egbert will do good. Mr. Egbert, show him around after class, will you?"  
"Yes, Miss!" Something Egbert was a black-haired, nerdy-looking kid. Karkat sat down next to him. When they actually started doing things, Karkat was daydreaming a bit, as the boy babbled on about biology. Karkat started when the boy turned directly to him. "I know you aren't listening, Karkat, was it? I'm John Egbert. Sorry, I know I ramble on about science a lot."  
"I-I...um, its OK. I-its just-" Damn, that stupid stutter. He looked at you sympathetically.  
"Missing your old friends? Thinking you're a bad friend for leaving? I know the feeling. And, take it from me, you're doing great."  
"How would you know that? You barely just met me."  
"Well, you were obviously thinking about them, and even the laziest kids are interested in this. Which means you're really worried about them, even though this is your life. Anyone who does that has to be a good friend."  
"...I-I...Thanks." John grinned.  
"Don't mention it. Hey, I looked at your timetable while you were thinking, and you have the same classes as me, so how about you hang around with me?"  
"That sounds great, John."

* * *

John was happy to be friends with Karkat. Karkat was happy someone wanted to be friends with him. Everything really was absolutely fantastic. Until he got a text message during the final lesson from Gamzee. 'Get here quick. Something happened to do with Sollux.'  
"Excuse me, Miss? Can I please be excused? My father needs me. Something's happened with the moving van or something."  
"...Yes, you can. But I won't allow this again."  
"Thanks, Miss!"

Karkat got to his old neighborhood quickly. He'd taken his bike to school, so he could ride it there. He rode to Sollux and his brother's shared apartment, and dumped the bike five seconds away from the block they were in. There were police surrounding the place, all the other tennants were outside, looking scared, and there was an ambulance. Karkat scanned the crowd for his friend. He noticed Sollux's head near the front, and got there quickly, because of how small he was. He froze when he saw what was there. Sollux's brother, lying face down in a pool of blood. Oh shit.

Karkat ran to his friend. "Sollux? Are you OK?" Sollux looked up. His eyes were bloodshot and there were tears streaming down his face. When he spoke, his voice was so quiet and sad and pathetic, and Karkat's heart broke just a little bit more. "K-karkat...? You were g-gone. H-he's gone. I-I..."  
"I know, I know."  
"I-it was s-s-suicide b-but I d-don't get w-why he would..."  
"Was anything going on beforehand?"  
"He came back from uni, a-and he hid from me. He didn't let me see him at all. And then...Then..."  
"Don't worry, I understand." Karkat moved over to the corpse and turned it over. Just as he expected. Bruises. He supposed he'd expected this to happen. Sollux's brother had a serious mental condition, of course those dicks would make fun of it. But he didn't understand. Sollux's brother was sweet and caring and funny. Who would want to hurt him? In such a way that he...

Those dicks at the uni who bullied Karkat's brother in college, that's who. Kankri talked a lot and never got into fights, and wasn't ever really rude to anyone, and if he was, it was accidently. But those idiots seemed to hate him for it. Kankri had once self-harmed because of them. Karkat had then told him how much he meant to him and it never bothered his brother again. That was a few weeks before the fire. Oh, Karkat was going to murder someone. He really, really was. Two people suffering the same bullying, both gone to drastic measures about it. And if Karkat hadn't found out then his brother could've suffered the same fate that Sollux's had. If he'd found his brother like this, he'd have...reacted much worse than when his brother died in the fire.

Basically those bullies were going to die. Very hard. And it would be very, _very_ painful.

* * *

**AN: So, this wasn't really that long. :/ sorry people! On other news, we get to see Karkat beat up some fuckers next time. Unless I decide to be mean. But you'll have to all wait for that! Review if you liked!  
~AP**


	6. Black eyes, moving on and 3 months later

**AN: Wow, chapter 6! I think this is a record for me! Get the confetti! Anyway,thanks reviewers, favouriters and followers! This isn't that well written, really. Anyway, I felt like updating because I don't know I just did. Enjoy! :)  
~AP**

* * *

Karkat was storming towards the flat of the leader of those dicks. He knew he should be comforting Sollux or something. Oh yeah, and he seemed to have forgotten that the guy was ten times bigger than him, and could probably squash him. He was too angry to remember that. Or that he was the older brother of the leader of the kids who beat Karkat up after school. Might've been useful to remember that.

They were outside, leaning on the wall, probably talking about another person smaller than them to ruin the life of. Karkat stormed up to them, despite the sensible part of his mind screaming that they were bigger than him and Kankri wouldn't want him to do this. Of course Kankri wouldn't. He had stuck on to the children's belief that him and his friends could deal with it. But they _didn't _deal with it. So Karkat was going to deal with it.

"Hey, look who it is!" Tyler was the name of the youngest of the two. Karkat's tormentor. "Thought you'd ran away with Daddy, freak!"  
"Dream on, Lindall." (Last name, of course. Karkat wasn't going to call those scum by their first names.)  
"Aw, did you miss your clown boyfriend?"  
"He's my best friend."  
"Sure he is, Vantas."  
"Vantas?" The older one said, laughing. "As in Kankri Vantas, that dick who died in the fire?"  
"What, did you do anything really cool to him?"  
"Didn't need to. Freak did enough damage on himself."  
"He wasn't a freak!"  
"I don't need you to tell me lies. He was the freakiest nerd ever!"  
"I'M ABOUT FIVE SECONDS FROM PUNCHING YOU! STOP INSULTING MY BROTHER!"  
The next two words that came out of his mouth did it. "Make me."

Karkat threw his fist at the older boy, hitting him in the nose. He got a much harder punch back, in the stomach. _Shit._

* * *

Karkat woke up with an aching head. He was on Sollux's bed. Wait, why was he...oh yeah, Sollux's brother died, he tried to give the bullies what they deserved. Right. Sollux was staring down at him. "ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MAD?! DO YOU KNOW HOW _SCARED_ I WAS WHEN I FOUND YOU?! WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, GOING FOR THEM, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, _ON YOUR OWN!?_ THEY COULD'VE _KILLED_ YOU!"  
"I'm sorry, Sollux. I was angry because-"  
"I _KNOW_ YOU WERE ANGRY! _I_ WAS ANGRY! DID YOU FORGET HOW BIG THEY WERE? HOW TYLER BEAT YOU UP AFTER SCHOOL? DID YOU?"  
"I-"  
"OR MAYBE YOU FORGOT HOW _SERIOUSLY INJURED_ THEY MADE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER, SO MUCH THAT SOMETIMES I HAD TO DRAG YOU BOTH TO THE FUCKING _HOSPITAL!?"_  
"Sollux, I-"  
"OR MAYBE YOU FORGOT WHAT THEY MADE KANKRI DO? WHAT THEY MADE _HIM _ DO?"  
"Sollux, please-"  
"OR MAYBE-"  
"SOLLUX!" Karkat was shaking now. All those things Sollux had just pointed out were the things he was trying desperately to forget. "P-please, stop."  
"...I'm sorry, I know you-"  
"Don't. Just, don't. I need to go home."  
"Karkat-"  
"It's late, Dad'll be worrying."  
"Karkat, don't be angry. Please."  
"Goodbye, Sollux."

* * *

Maybe he was harsh on his friend. But he _did_ need to get home.

When he did, his Dad was waiting. "Where the hell were you?! And why do you have a black eye?"  
"Something happened back in our old neighborhood."  
"So important you needed to leave school for it?"  
"Yes."  
"I can't believe this. Your friend says boo to a goose and you're back there."  
"Dad-"  
"Honestly, it's stupid."  
"Dad-"  
"I get you miss them, miss our old life, I do too, but-"  
"Mituna Captor's dead." Mr. Vantas froze and did a double take.  
"Wait, what?"  
"He commited suicide just after he came home from university."  
"Oh...Karkat, I didn't mean-"  
"I know you didn't. I went to give those bullies what they deserved-"  
"Wait, he was bullied?"  
"It was because of his mental condition. Oh yeah, he knew Kankri, apparently that's a deathwish."  
"What do they know about Kankri?"  
"They bullied him too. They made him-" Karkat stopped. He couldn't tell Dad. He promised he wouldn't tell.  
"They made him do what?!" Mr. Vantas's voice was shaking with anger. What had these assholes made his son do?!  
"...Nothing."  
"It is something."  
"I can't tell you."  
"Why?"  
"I promised him I wouldn't tell. Anyway, I tried to give them what they deserved and, well, it didn't go as planned."  
"Oh."

Karkat walked up to John and his friends. "Hey, Karka-what happened?"  
"No idea what you're talking about."  
"You have a black eye!"  
"Oh. "  
"Just oh? Karkat, come on. You can trust us, right?"  
"...My friend's brother committed suicide yesterday because of some bullies and I tried to give them what they deserved." John looked at Karkat worriedly, when his friend Dave spoke. "Suppose it didn't go to plan then?"  
"Nice guess, asshole."  
"...Hey, what's your chum handle on pesterchum?"  
"CarcinoGeneticist. Why did you ask?"  
"Because I have you on my contacts."  
"So you're the asshole who pesters me when he's bored?"  
"Ironic purposes."  
"Sure, whatever."  
"Hey, what was with the other day? You seemed fifty percent more pissed than usual."  
"Things."  
"OK, man. Not gonna question you. Sounded like you were going to break someone's face."  
"Are you volunteering?"Dave stepped back, hands up in a sign of surrender. "Yeah, that's what I thought."  
"Karkat, are you sure you're OK?" John said. "I mean, someone dying, that's a really huge thing." Karkat laughed tonelessly.  
"If only you knew, John. If only you knew."  
"If only I knew what?"  
"There isn't point telling you."  
"Yes, there is."  
"No, there isn't!"  
"Karkat!  
"John."  
"KARKAT!  
"What?"  
"Tell me."  
"No."  
"Why?"  
"Past is past."  
"It isn't to you, I can tell."  
"How would you know how I feel? I met you fucking yesterday."  
"Because I can just...tell. Look, Karkat, something's bothering you other than your friend's brother's death, I know it. And you can't keep it from us forever."  
"I can try."  
"OK, look, I'm not going to force you to tell us, but remember, we're here for you."  
"Yeah, OK, John."

* * *

Nothing happened, really. At the end of the day, John, his friend Rose, and his other friend Jade all gave Karkat their chumhandles, reminding him they were there if he needed them. He didn't _want_ them to be there. He wanted his old friends to be there. Friends that were about half an hour away.

Friends his Dad wanted him to ditch.

* * *

_**3 MONTHS LATER  
**_  
Nothing had really happened. Karkat was settled into his new life, with his new friends, though of course, he still stayed in contact with his old ones.

Sollux had recovered the loss of his brother with the help of Gamzee and Aradia, and was back to his old self.

Aradia was still dead. But she was able to talk to everyone during the day now.

Tavros was disabled now, but everyone still treated him like they usually would.

Gamzee was, well, Gamzee. The same, faygo-loving, easygoing guy he was when he first met Karkat.

It was as if nothing ever happened. They all seemed to just...forget. Forget everything. Forget everyone who died, all the injuries, all the incidents. Kankri and Mituna just didn't seem to have ever been there. Aradia was still like a normal person. And, Mary was just another girl who got in an accident, like other people did all the time.

They had all just moved on. No more haunting nightmares, depression, anything. Sure, bullying was still there at Karkat's old neighborhood. But his friends were protected. Nepeta had Equius, and no one dared stand up to him. Sollux and Gamzee could handle themselves quite fine. Tavros had Gamzee. No one picked on most of the others, because they were either strong, or popular.

Of course, these were just Karkat's thoughts. He didn't actually know how his friends were doing. They didn't mention how school was or anything when they talked. But they were probably fine.

How wrong he was.

**AN: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh cliffhanger. Very mainstream cliffhanger, but hey, I run out of ideas sometimes. Next one has a lot of drama and stuff. Anyway, review if you liked! Or favourite or follow if you feel like it.**  
**~AP**


	7. Kidnapped

**AN: You guys should be happy, I think this is the only story I'm regularly updating. Plus , chapter seven is one past my record. Rejoice, people who like this story! Anyways, a lot of drama in this one! Lot of drama. Should be quite long. Enjoy!**  
**~AP**

* * *

Karkat was awoken by his painfully loud mobile ringtone. He was actually starting to become a deep sleeper again, now that nothing happened. It was peaceful here.

He groaned, picking up his phone and answering before checking the caller ID. He looked at his clock. 2am?! Who could be calling him at this time?

"Hello?"  
"Karkat." The scared voice of Nepeta Lejion met his ears.  
"Nepeta? Nep, what's wrong?"  
"I don't know where I am. There were these-these guys, in the alley I walk down to get home from school, and they grabbed me and I'm in the back of this van and I don't know where I'm going or where I am or what they want with me."  
"Nepeta, did you see their faces?"  
"I got a picture on my phone, but that's what I'm c-calling you o-on."  
"Stay on the phone as long as possible, OK? I'm going to find you, Nepeta, I promise."  
"OK..."  
Karkat didn't care that he was in his pajamas. He ran into his Dad's room. He kept babbling on to Nepeta. "OK, don't stop talking. Talk about anything, I don't care, just don't stop talking to me, OK?"  
"OK."  
"DAD, WAKE THE FUCK UP!"  
"...What? Wuzzgoinon?"  
"ITS NEPETA! GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW I NEED TO BE DRIVEN TO SOLLUX'S HOUSE."  
"Ugh, why?"  
"NEPETA GOT FUCKING KIDNAPPED!" His father sat up quickly.

_**~TIME SKIP TIME SKIP TIME SKIP~  
**_  
"And then Eridan fell over and Gamzee started laughing so hard he foamed at the mouth because he had been drinking Faygo, and everyone was laughing."  
"That's great, Nepeta."  
"You th'till got her on the phone?"  
"Yeah."  
"...Oh, yeah, then there was that one time-" There were voices in the background.  
"Who are you talking to?"  
"M-my f-friend." Nepeta whimpered on the other side of the phone. There was nothing in a while, then Nepeta was on the phone again. "K-karkat, g-guys, I-I love you all. I-I-" She screamed, and then there was silence. The phone hung up.  
"Nepeta? NEPETA! Shit, shit, shit."  
"Calm down and path me the phone." Karkat obliged, and Sollux started doing some weird computer nerdy stuff. "What are you doing?"  
"If I do thith right, I can track her phone."  
"You can do that?"  
"My brother taught me."  
There was silence as Sollux typed away quickly on the small phone. They he laughed triumphantly. "Got it!"  
"Where is she then?"  
"The old abandoned farmhouthe about half an hour from here."  
"Half an hour? Who knows what they could do to her in half an hour?!"  
"Well, half an hour if we th'tick to the thpeed limit. But lawth don't matter in a life or death thituation, right?"  
"No, they fucking don't."

* * *

They had searched the whole thing. Whole farmhouse, and no sign of Nepeta or her kidnappers.

"KK, come here."  
"What is it?" Karkat emerged from the farmhouse and walked to where Sollux was standing. On the floor, in front of Sollux, was the remains of Nepeta's old Nokia. _Oh shit._

**AN: Super short chapter that took me like five minutes. Also, did I ever tell you guys the band Pendulum is awesome? Because they are. Anyway, next chapter should be super long! Super duper duper long to make up for the agonising shortness of this chapter! Review if you liked! Favourite or Follow if you feel like it.**  
**~AP**


	8. Don't you dare die on me, Gamzee

**AN: Hey guys! I know there's people because this story has followers apparently. Thanks reviewers and followers and favouriters! Once again, love you all! Chapter 8! Wow! Anyway, this should have a lot of sad stuff and drama! Enjoy!**  
**~AP**

* * *

It had been three months since Nepeta Lejion had gone missing. There was still no sign of her. It was on the news a lot, and in the papers and magazines. It was all over Facebook and Twitter. Tumblr was spreading the news to look out for her quick. It seemed she was quite popular on there for her fanfics, fanart and ships.

Still not a hint of her whereabouts.

Karkat spent a whole lot more time in his old neighborhood now.

Everyone seemed depressed without Nepeta around. She was like the life and soul of them all, and now, with her gone...they were nothing.

Anyone could tell no one got much sleep now. They all cared, even if they pretended they didn't.

It seemed it strangely affected Gamzee the most. He lost his happy, easygoing nature and became much more moody and depressed.

And what was it about those hoodies anyway?

* * *

Karkat was on his way to Gamzee's. They didn't do much now, but it was nice for him to see his best friend, at the least. Him and Gamzee hadn't planned him coming over today. It was a total surprise. Hopefully, it would be a nice one.

When he got there, the door was answered by Gamzee's Mum. **(AN: If you're from America, I'm English, it doesn't sound right, Mom, for me, OK? Ok.) **"Hey, Mrs Makara."  
"Hello, Karkat. I know you're hear to see him. He's upstairs, in the bathroom, I think. Get up there before _he_ sees you." He was Gamzee's Dad, who no longer approved of Gamzee hanging around with Karkat and anyone else who had it bad. The Makara's were a very rich family. They never needed to worry about money problems, along with the Piexes's and the Ampora's. Vriska and Equius and Terezi didn't have it bad, they were in the middle. Everyone else lived small, with little luxuries. Anyway, usually, the parents of the children of these families didn't like their kids knocking about with what they called 'The Lower Class'. Mrs. Makara was really one of a kind.

Karkat made his way quietly and quickly upstairs. When he got to the top, he looked to see if Gamzee was in his room, then, when seeing he wasn't, knocked quietly five times on the door in a particular pattern. It was him and Gamzee's little thing, to let each other know they were there. When he got no answer, he walked into Gamzee's room, getting a friendly wave from his brother as he passed. The adults were the only real problem with the kids all being friends. They wouldn't care if one of them had a mansion and one of them was homeless. Mr Makara was the only one who had a problem with Karkat coming over.

After about another fifteen minutes of waiting, Karkat went back to the bathroom door. He pushed it open the smallest amount. Gamzee had broken the lock in one of his out-of-control rages, and it had yet to be repaired. "Gamzee?"  
"Y-you weren't supposed to be coming today."  
"I know. I wanted to surprise you. Are you crying?"  
"N-no, I mean, y-yes, I don't know!"  
"I'm going to come in now."  
"No! Don't!"  
"Gamzee-"  
"Don't come in! I don't want..."  
"Gamzee, I'm coming in."  
"_No!_" Oblivious to his best friend's protest, Karkat pushed the door open. The sight he saw before him made him gasp. Gamzee was sitting on the tiled floor, and there were two deep cuts on both his wrists. Blood was soaking into the tiles and Gamzee had tears streaming down his face, washing of his makeup. "I-I s-said don't come in."  
"Oh my God."  
"You shouldn't have come in. Why couldn't you just leave?"  
"Gamzee, let me bandage you up, and we can talk about this, OK? I can help."  
"No! Y-you can't. You can't help. No one can."  
"I understand how you feel, Gamzee. "  
"No, you don't! You've always been strong, haven't you? Always cut out to be a leader and a good friend. You can PROTECT people. I can't. You can comfort people, and I can't! I can't do anything!"  
"That isn't true! Tavros needs you, Sollux needs you, everyone else needs you, _I_ need you."  
"R-real-what? Wha-I don't-K-karkat? Yeah, Karkat Vantas, my best friend. R-right."  
"Are you OK?"  
"I just..." Gamzee then passed out. Karkat almost screamed.  
"Oh shit, Oh god, Oh no, Gamzee?" Karkat pulled out his mobile and dialed 999 almost instantly. When he got through to the hospital, he almost shouted. "Hello? OK, my best friend is...He cut himself in his bathroom and he's loosing way too much blood. Uh, 98 Fringer Road. Yes. Thanks."

_Come on, Gamzee. Don't you die on me. Don't you dare._

* * *

**AN: Still got all these cliffhangers and short things haven't I? Oops. Sorry :)**  
**Review, fav or follow if you feel like it!**


	9. Back in A&E

**AN: Sorry it took ages. I'm still getting back in the swing of school and stuff. Anyways, eeeeeenjooooy!**

* * *

Karkat found himself in the waiting room of the A&E again, but this time, he was even more scared than he was last time. This wasn't just a school friend, or _just_ a friend. This was his _best _friend. The friend that always calmed him down, the friend that had been a shoulder to lean on, the friend he loved like a brother, even though he'd never tell him that. Karkat couldn't _live_ without Gamzee.

Karkat found himself curled up on the cold, white floor, his back pressed against the stone wall, crying, though he wouldn't admit it. He had his face buried into his knees, which is why he didn't notice anyone approaching until a hand touched his shoulder. He looked up to find John and co., standing there, John kneeling down with a hand on his shoulder. "What are you guys doing here?" Karkat asked, his voice hoarse from crying.  
"Did you really think we'd just sit there when we heard a bro in need? That would not be cool."  
"Almost as uncool as you, then, Strider." The shorter boy said, causing the other three to laugh and Dave cross his arms in an almost 'I've-had-enough-of-this-childish-tomfoolery' way. "So what happened?" Jade asked, sitting down next to Karkat and crossing her legs like an adorable nursery child.  
"...Do you guys remember Gamzee?"  
"Yeah. What about him?"  
"H-he...well, h-h-he..."  
"You don't have to say. I think I know what happened." Rose said, sighing. Karkat's four friends sat with him, and eventually he found himself, well, neutral, and sometimes even smiling and laughing along with them. It wasn't until the nurse came out of the room Gamzee had been rushed into that the mood drastically changed. She looked sympathetic. _He's dead. He's gone, and I can't do anything about it. _Karkat thought to himself. He shook away that thought quickly. He didn't need to be crying again. "Where's Gamzee? Is he OK?"  
"...I am so, so sorry, Mr Vantas. We've lost him."

* * *

**AN: CLIIIIFFFYYYY! I'm sorry it's so short. Review to rage or cry or say how bad it is, because a review is a review and someone took the time to write it, which makes me feel great! :D**


	10. You're lying!

**AN: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Wow, chapter 10! Never thought I'd get here. And with fans, as well! People who actually like this story! That makes me so, so, SOOO happy, you have no idea, really, you don't. Anyways, on with it. Enjoy!**

* * *

_I'm so, so sorry, Mr Vantas. We've lost him._  
The words Karkat hated to hear. He'd heard things like that before, of course.  
_"We've lost her." _  
_"I'm sorry, Karkat. They're gone."_  
_"Mary Doorwall's heart has stopped."_  
He really hated those sentences. Because it meant one less person he loved. One less friend. One less family member. One person he'd never be able to laugh with again, joke with again, be with again, embrace again, anything. And it _hurt_. Every time, no matter how many times he went through it, no matter how he learnt to hide it more and more each time, it had the same amount of emotional pain. Pain unlike the pain you get after a really bad injury. Despair, you could say.  
_It's a constant battle, Karkat. Between hope and despair. It's all up to you which one wins, but no matter how the battle goes, hope dies and then, so does despair. There's no way to win, because that's just how the world works. Every person, no matter the species, race, religion, sexuality, and anything else, will at one point, be plunged into the deepest, most unbearable level of despair, and that's where hope sometimes dies. If hope survives this part of the battle, then the person can continue progressing, getting higher and higher in life. However, if despair wins, that person, most likely, cannot. It doesn't mean that always, though. If a person can survive without hope, they can...revive it, almost. It shows just how strong of a person that being is. And that being, the one that suffered the most, is the one that will save the others, one day, in one sense. You, Karkat, are one of those people, and I know it. And don't say I'm just a figure of your imagination, because I'm not, not really. Take it from me, little brother. You're doing great.  
_His brother had told him that, in a dream once. He didn't feel like 'one of those people'. He felt like shit, to be completely honest. He hadn't saved anyone. He didn't save Kankri or his Mum or Aradia or Mary or Mituna or Nepeta or Tavros or Gamzee. He was the leader. He was meant to protect them. He hadn't done anything of the sort. He was shitty at everything._  
_

But he wasn't going to give up on his best friend. Not now. Not yet. "N-no! He isn't fucking dead! He_ isn't_! You're lying!" The nurse sighed. She'd probably dealt with this and more more times than she could count. "Well, see for yourself, Mr Vantas." She said, looking ready for three months worth of sleep. He ran into the room, and almost collapsed. There was a body on a performing table draped with a white cloth.

_No._

He ran over to the table and pulled the cloth off. Just as he suspected, Gamzee laid there, his face peaceful, and eyes closed. Karkat didn't even try to look at anything else. His best friend's face was enough to confirm the nurse's statement. Gamzee Makara was dead.

His best friend was dead and gone, and there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

**AN: I bet you all hate me. You all hate me, don't you? Well, I'm sorry, but this w****as a fixed part of the story as soon as I made it. When I was thinking about the idea, this was one of the main parts. So I had to kill Gamzee. Sorry :/. Review to hate me. Or rage. Or maybe you like the turn of events? Heheh, probably not. Once again, I apologize. Please don't inter-murder me. See you next time around!**

**~AP**


	11. Embrace them all one last time

**AN: I'm back! Hello once again, my friends. I'm going to answer some Guest reviews since, you know, I can't do it in a PM.**  
**UrfavoriteNepeta - chapter 1-** Heheh, yeah, sorry :/  
**arsenicCatnip -chapter 8 - ***ap smiles and hugs ac and says "Here's your couple of chapters c:"*  
**NAO- chapter 8 -** Here's your couple of chapters! Enjoy C:!  
**Guest - chapter 4 -** Awww thanks :D  
**Guest (2)-chapter 9- **Heheheh.  
**Kaitlyn Vantas - chapter 10 - **Well, I'm not like that _all_ the time. I felt really guilty about killing off Gamzee at first, but it needs to be done for the sake of the story. No, Karkat won't die next. This story still has a lot to come, and obviously, with Karkat being the main character, he has to stay alive for as long as I need him. And I don't want you to sadical face :c.  
**Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenjooooooooy! :D**

* * *

It wasn't like him not to cry at this. But he just stood, and calmly and quietly walked out of the hospital with his now teary eyed friends following him and calling out his name, not keeping up. Someone from outside would assume the worst. The only person keeping his cool seemed to be Strider, but he had those dumb shades John bought him on, so you couldn't really tell. "Karkat! Come back! Where are you going? Stop!"  
"John." Karkat stopped, causing the four to stumble as to not run into him. (Dave said "I meant to do that." and acted annoyingly cool, as per usual.)  
"What?"  
"I. Don't. Like. You." Karkat turned around and faced his friends. Somewhere in the corner of his mind he knew he should not be insulting his friends, especially the only friends that had come to see if he was alright, but he was too angry at the world to care. "You're annoying, nerdy, and always so fucking optimistic. There's nothing to be optimistic about! The world is a hard, cold, evil fucking place, and you better get used to it. You can't cry over my friends dying because you barely even fucking knew them. Your annoyingness disgusts me, you uncultured fuckass."  
"I-I..." John didn't even look that hurt by it. It was as if he had expected this to happen at one point. "I understand." He said, then ran off.  
"JOHN!" Jade yelled after him. The two girls ran after him like loyal dogs (No offence to them.)  
Dave stayed. He glared coldly at Karkat. Karkat returned it. Then, Dave got hold of the smaller teen's arm and dragged him into an alleyway. "_Listen here, you little shit._" Dave said threateningly, all traces of his cool nature gone. "We've_ tried_ to be there for you, and we've given up_ a lot_ of our time for you, especially John. Didn't it ever fucking occur to you that you might sound like those dickheads who bully him in school? _Didn't it?_ He_ loves_ you, he _loves_ all of us, as much as he loves his fucking family. And you threw all that away. Your loss. But if you're going to be a dick, then leave us all_ THE FUCK_ alone. " Dave then left.

* * *

_Shit. I fucked up._ Karkat thought, for the hundredth time that night. He was now in his bed.  
_My best friend just died and some of my only other friends just told me to back off because I'm an emotionless asshat. I have SERIOUSLY fucked up._  
"**I agree.**"  
Karkat jumped. He must have said all that out loud. But that voice that answered him wasn't his Dad's. It was...  
His long gone older brother.  
"**You were exceptionally fast to figure that out.**"  
Karkat sighed to himself, and sat up. "This is it then? I've finally gone insane, haven't I?"  
"**Well, I wouldn't say so, I think you are actually doing quite well for your situation. However, you may believe you are insane. No one's stopping you.**"  
"Even 'I-made-you-up-in-my-head-because-I'm-sad' Kankri's annoying."  
"**Oh, thanks. I'll have you know, though, you did not imagine me. I am talking to you. You would have to have quite a big imagination to have imagined you were talking to your long-dead older brother, now wouldn't you?**"  
"I guess."  
"**Now, Karkat.**" There was the feeling of someone sitting on the bed, though there was nothing there. "**I know-My goodness, have you grown!**"  
"Of course I have. It's been three years, Kankri. You're a little late."  
"**Oh dear. You're sixteen now? I've missed so much. I never thought being dead would be so hard.**"  
"Being dead's hard? OK, great, now I have nothing to look forward to."  
"**Don't say that! You could do a lot, Karkat. You just-**"  
"Need to believe in myself. I know."  
"**Yes, but you also need to not give up. You've gotten through so much, Karkat! It'd be a shame to throw it all away! I mean, look at you! You're six_teen!_ You're almost an adult, and you're so mature. I am so, so proud of you.**"  
Karkat smiled.  
"**There's that smile I love. Anyway, you should probably apologise to your friend...Joan, was it?**"  
"John."  
"**Ah yes, John. Lovely boy.**"  
"What have you been doing, stalking me?"  
"**Well, what else do I have to do? Being dead isn't exactly living on a cloud and playing ping pong with Elvis Presley . It's more of just hanging around with dead people who're all boring.**"  
"What about Michael Jackson and stuff? He's pretty cool."  
"**Don't be stupid. We don't get to hang around with movie stars. We're just...lower class, after all.**"  
Karkat sighed. "Yeah. Hey, how's Mum?"  
"**Mum? She's alright, I guess. Still being Mum.**"  
"All of a sudden you stopped using your dumb smart talk." Karkat was careful with his words. Kankri would give him a very big telling off if he cursed, even though he'd watched him do it for years. And no one wanted to be stuck with a night's worth of Kankri's telling off, not even his best friend. "**Hey!**"  
"...What?"  
"**I'm not **_**that **_**bad, am I?**"  
"...Yes. Yes you are that bad. But how did you-?"  
"**I made an emotional link between us so I could talk to you. It wasn't the best idea, but...**"  
"Uh...OK."  
"**And I'm allowed to stop talking smartly sometimes you know. I know I have a large vocabulary and that got me somewhere, however, I can talk to you normally, as a Vantas to Vantas thing.**"  
"And there it is. The smart talk. Again."  
"**I've been dead for three years. I'm not going to deal with your sass.**"  
"I am not sassing you!"  
"**Are too!**"  
"Am not!"  
"**Are too are too are too!**"  
"Am not am not am not!"  
"**ARE TOO!**"  
"AM NOT!"  
"Karkat, what are you-?"  
Karkat hadn't even noticed his father had entered. He was too busy arguing with, well, thin air, really. "...Oh. Hi dad."  
"Who're you talking to?"  
"Um..." Karkat couldn't exactly say he was having a five-year-old-worth arguement with his long dead older brother. He'd sound mad. But he couldn't exactly say he was having a conversation with himself either. "I'm...uh, on Skype call."  
"Your computer isn't even on and your phone is in the living room."  
"**Karkat. Hey, Karkat.**"  
"...Um..."  
"**Karkat, answer me! Don't be rude! Treat people how you want to be treated. If you want me to ignore you then I can do just that, and that is what I **_**will **_**do unless you speak to me, young man!**"  
"...Shut up." The boy muttered, gritting his teeth.  
"**Karkat! I will not stand for such impoliteness towards your own **_**brother**_**! Go to your room!**"  
"This is my room, fuckass." Karkat found his voice rising again. He had a feeling Kankri was doing this on purpose.  
"**Firstly, I would never do such a thing! And secondly, watch your language young man! Using triggering language around people could result in only God knows what! You can not just say such things to people bigger than you. They could hurt you really badly, and none of us want that, now do we? You have such a better, wider vocabulary than that **_**horrible**_**-**"  
"SHUT UP!" Karkat yelled. His brother's rants always annoyed him. And now his dad thought he was crazy. Just "**Vantastic.**"  
"That wasn't even a good fucking pun, Kankri."  
"Son, are you, uh, quite alright?"  
"Yes, Dad. I'm absolutely fan-fucking-tastic, apart from the fact my best friend just died, I lost four of my other friends, and my fucking ghost-brother is pulling some unbearable douchebaggery and giving me a fucking lecture on swearing, when it's been three years AND I CAN DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT TO!"  
"Karkat. I know you're sad and all, with the,um... recent incidents, but Kankri isn't here."  
"H-he is. You just...can't hear him."  
"Karkat, son, listen to me. He isn't here. He's long gone, and he isn't coming back anytime soon." The older Vantas was know sitting down next to his son.  
"I-I..."  
"I know I haven't been much of a father figure since, well, back then. And you've had to deal with everything on your own. And hey, maybe, you needed someone then. You probably did. And you need someone now. But Kankri isn't coming to comfort you and tell you it's all OK, because you know that's not how it works anymore." Karkat heard his brother sigh in unison with him.  
"I know." They said.  
"But..." Karkat said. "I...I just wish I could...I just..."  
"**Embrace you all one last time.**"

**AN: So okay, I need to write longer chapters. Like, really really. Did I mention I almost cried whilst writing this? Because I did. Like I killed off some characters and it's no big deal to me but then all the Vantases get sad in the story and I feel sad too. No fair. Anyways, next chapter'll be up as soon as possible. Review if you liked!**  
**~AP**


	12. Ever

**AN: Welp, no guests reviewed while I'm writing this, so I guess it's me blabbing for a couple of sentences and then the story. I'll try to make this long, I promise! Anyways, thanks reviewers, favouriters and followers who're still here! I love you all! Plus this is a story that I really enjoy (that's, ah, one way to describe it) writing, and I'm glad people like it! Anyway, I think I've blabbed long enough, and I doubt anyone actually takes the time to read this, so better get on with the story. Eeeeeeeeeenjoy!**

* * *

Karkat took a deep breath. He was stood outside the Egbert's house (Which was very big and pristine-looking. He just hoped John's Dad wasn't one of _those_ people.) and he was nervous. It wasn't like it was that big. He'd met other parents, gone to other houses, and been fine. Why was John's house making him like this? Probably because he was feeling really bad about everything right now. It wasn't like he'd spent a night getting advice from a dead person. It wasn't like his dad thought he was mental. Yeah, that would never happen, would it?

This was dangerous. Emotionally, this was dangerous for him. This was a friend he'd basically told to fuck off. Seriously. Also the guy's best friend had basically told him to butt out. And the guy's best friend just happened to be one of the most popular known kids in school, even though he hung out with the unpopular ones. Strider was actually a pretty cool guy, if Karkat thought about it. But he acted like a dick. So that pretty much evened it out.

_Shut up. You're here to apologise to John, not Strider._ Karkat thought to himself. Of course, he should really apologise to all his friends. But John seemed the most upset by his outburst, by far. Jade and Rose seemed more angry that he'd hurt John. So did Strider. Huh. Everyone seemed to love John.

Karkat realized he'd been standing outside the Egberts's for ten minutes and he hadn't even got on to actually thinking about what exactly he was going to say. He should probably knock. He raised his hand, but he didn't have time to even knock. John's Dad, he guessed, answered the door. He looked like a tired office man with a hat."Hi, I'm, uh, a friend of John's." Karkat said, twiddling his thumbs behind his back.  
"Oh! Well, come in! He's upstairs, in the shower, I think."  
"You seem so surprised."  
"Well, John's not really the...sociable type. He doesn't have friends over much."  
"Oh."  
"I'm John's Dad, by the way. "  
"Karkat. Karkat Vantas."  
"Well, Karkat, you can go up if you want. I'll just be in the kitchen if you need anything."  
"Uh, yeah, thanks." Karkat headed upstairs. John's Dad was fairly nice. Nicer than Karkat'd expected him to be. It seemed people were different around here. That was nice.

Karkat knocked on John's room door (It had a bright blue sign with letters stating 'John's room') and then opened the door slowly. John was sat at his computer monitor in a blue shirt and jeans. Normal weekend clothing. "Da-...Oh."  
"John. I-we need to talk." John sighed.  
"Yeah. OK. But make it quick, will you? I need to go somewhere later." John stood up, and sat on the bed. Karkat perched awkwardly at the end of the bed. "John...I, um...I'm really sorry. About what I said. And, well, everything."  
"It's OK."  
"No. It isn't. It isn't OK. I have a tendency to push away friends and people I need, and I never get to tell them that before...Before they aren't here anymore. I'm not going to make that mistake another time. Because I need my friends and family and everyone else because I can't just be there and be strong and be happy on my own. I've lost way too much."  
"...Karkat, it's OK. Really."  
"Stop saying that! You should be angry, after how much you tried. And hey, you're well set out, aren't you? Big house, lots of friends, cool Dad, constant support. And you deserve friends who would stick up for you, no matter what. You deserve normal friends. Honestly, sometimes I think everyone would just be better off without people like-"  
"No!" John said firmly. "No one in the world, _no one_ would be better off without people like you, Karkat. Never, _ever_ say _anything_ like that again. Ever."  
"But-" John pulled Karkat into a hug.  
"Ever."

* * *

**AN: This is super short. I seriously need to extend my chapters. I might do a super long chapter soon. Though it'll probably take ages to get published. Meh. Review if you liked! c:**  
**~AP**


	13. They found her!

**AN: This probably won't be as long as I want it to be. It never is. Except maybe the first couple of chapters. They were pretty satisfactory. Length wise, anyway. Let's get along with the story then! Enjoy! ~AP**

* * *

Karkat walked home in a considerably good mood. John had actually accepted his apology. Plus he had some of John's Dad's cupcakes, which were, whatever John said, absolutely delicious. Things were pretty alright now. Not that he'd forgotten about Gamzee. I mean, how could he? This was the annoying best friend he'd had since Nursery.

Karkat was approaching his home pretty fast. He hadn't realized how fast he'd started walking, actually. He felt he needed to be home soon. No idea why.

His question was answered. As soon as Karkat opened the door, his Dad was there. "Karkat!"  
"Dad."  
"Guess what?" His father beamed.  
"What?"  
"Guess!"  
"Um, you got a promotion?"  
"No!"  
"You found out we own 200000 pounds?"  
"No!"  
"You got a girlfriend?"  
"...No."  
"I was joking! So, what is it?"  
"You remember your friend, Nepeta?"  
Karkat had actually almost forgotten her. He'd just assumed he was never going to see her again and moved on. That was how it usually worked, so he didn't expect this to be any different.

Maybe this time he would have a lucky break.  
"Yeah, what about her?"  
"_They found her!_"

* * *

**AN: So I need this to be super short because the next chapter will be super long. Sorry. I'm updating as quickly as I can. Also, I'm writing this at half past seven in the morning. So I'm pretty tired right now. Anyways, thanks reviewers, faves and followers. I love you all! Review if you liked! Or don't. Your decision.**  
**~AP**


End file.
